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Monday, 20 September 2004

HOW TO TELL WHEN DEREK IS MAD

ok. heres a quick lesson in derek, courtesy a lot of recent confusion. Certianly, many many things piss me off. Cell phones, cars, regular chicken sandwhiches instead of spicy, the list goes on. That said, i can very often be described as sarcastic, bitter, resentful, or harsh. and when i am, i complain about it. ill complain just to hear my voice. without any real reason at all. but for me to be honest to go angry, or mad. that takes some doing.

GET TO THE POINT i hear you saying 'how can you tell when im mad." well, when im really pissed. i stop complaining. i stop whining and i stop making sarcastic comments. i shut up and leave the room. ill go read something, and when i do talk, its short, terse sentences and i spit venom. questions? ok. goodnight.

Sunday, 19 September 2004

READ BOTTOM PART FIRST!!!!!!!!!

so yeah. now that you read the first five. heres the rest. and if you didnt. we are going over who would or wouldnt survive in the horror/war movie of our group.

6) Stephen. Steven would be off making out with some girl early in the movie, alone on lovers lane, or in a war movie, off making out with some foriegn prostitute when the enemy rolls into the village. he'd be the opening, 'welcome to the movie' kill.

7) Colin. Colins death would be a lot like brents. he would wind up on his own. but we would really be rooting for him to make it. and he would almost outwit the villan. maybe by throwning him off a pier. but as the music stops and he starts to walk away, thru the bottom of the pier a hand reaches up and pulls him to his watery grave

8) Screech. im sorry, but screechs light hearted attitude and never say die outlook mean hes perfect mid movie death. just to make everyone realize no ones geting out alive.

9) millie. Millie would be more like the guy back at base camp, desperately trying to get a communication with the field. or the friend desperately trying to unchain himself from the bad guys dungeon. maybe he gets out maybe not. it all depends on who survives.

now, the survivors.

Josh- no one really expects it. he's a little too slow, a little to much of a fallen hero. but he does have one major thing going for him. Josh makes a gut decision and rolls with it. never doubting it until the very end. and he seems like the type to have an ace (or a .22) up his sleeve till the end

Chris- What? chris survives? well, heres why. when its down to two people, they have to fight amoungst themselves. And we are left to wonder 'will they team up and battle evil, or destroy themselves?" thats what chris is good. for. also, i think an old joke applies here. 2 friends were running from a bear. and one said, 'wait we cant outrun a bear!" the other turns and says 'i dont have to outrun the bear. i just have to outrun you."

sooo. comments?

I know most of you have wondered this, the most anchient of questions. thru all time men have thought about this one idea. and that is 'if our group of friends was in a war/horror movie,what stereotype would everyone be, and who, if anyone, would survive?" well ask not. cause im about to lay it down.

1) Seong. He would be the first to die. not due to stupidity or hubris, but because he cant stand to follow orders. and in a war/horror movie. thats a must. if the leader says sit down. you sit your ass down. seong would stand up, and a hail of VC gunfire would take him out. teaching everyone else a valuable lesson

2) Joel. in a pressure situation, joel would be the guy who cracks. he cant stop from laughing when you sit still for a minute. and if that minute involves a huge alien creautre walking within inches of your still body, joel would be the guy who sneezed.

3) Adam. Obviously, the smart ass guy who you WISH would just hurry up and get eaten/killed. but they always last a little while. He would be the guy who thinks the chain saw wielding murderer chasing us around the house was just joel playing a prank, right up until he gets the garden hoe implanted in his forehead.

4) Brent. whaaat? while we are wandering amoungst the jungles or the evil castle's hedge maze, brent is the guy that gets lost. after assuming he would just meet up with us later, he'd hear some noises and start running. but you all know even b and his calves of steel cant outrun a psycho killer in a go cart.

5) Me. Derek. most of you think i would let myself make it. but not so. im too much of a cynic. id bitch and complain about the misquitos in the jungle or the cramped quaters in our panic room. eventually id step outside just to get some space and wham. down i go

Friday, 17 September 2004

wow. its been a long time. i shouldnt have left you with out a dope beat to step to. step to... and im done with that.

so, derek, you may ask me. it has been a week or so, whats new and exciting? well ill tell you. not a thing. not one thing. everything is the same as it ever was, the more things change, the more they stay the same. the sqeeaky wheel gets the grease. the juice is worth the squeze. in the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king. never look a gift horse in the mouth. the fruit doesnt fall far from the tree. an apple a day keeps the doctor away. a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. the early bird gets the worm. a penny saved is a penny earned. easy come easy go. early to bed early to rise keeps a man healthy wealthy and wise. i could think of some more, but its bed time.